As the world’s premier producer of transmale adult entertainment, people have been asking me for years where and how they could meet FTMs. I’ve also responded to countless questions from transmen, wondering about the best way to meet potential partners. This struck a particularly personal chord with me, as I met my own wife over ten years ago in an online group. I knew the Internet held great promise as an effective place to seek a partner. Everyone else from pet owners to sports fans all had their own corner of the web to meet each other. But there was still no special dating site catering to the unique needs of transmen. Much of the correspondence I’ve received from FTMs expressed sadness and despair as these men felt it was unlikely that they could ever meet a partner. The psychological ramifications of gender non-conformity are intense and can lead to feelings of isolation and depression. The overriding theme of my work is about self-love and acceptance, and showing that transmen indeed are sexy and desirable.
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Laura* and Oli* have been together for two and a half years and are getting married next summer. Like all couples they’ve had their ups and downs, but being in.
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When Laura first met her boyfriend Oli she had no idea the well-dressed guy she’d been eyeing up from across their seminar room was trans. But once I got my head round the idea I wasn’t fazed at all. Now 22 and 24, Laura and Oli have been together for two and a half years and are getting married next summer after the final stage of Oli’s genital reassignment surgery. Like all couples, they’ve had their fair share of ups and downs, but being in a trans relationship brings its own unique complications.
For Laura, sex with Oli was a revelation. He was the first partner I ever had who really put my enjoyment first. She adds: ‘I literally had never even had a boyfriend who went down on me, and I was shocked to learn that I could actually orgasm with a partner too! When Oli eventually felt comfortable revealing all, they were both pretty anxious. She needn’t have been. Testosterone treatment, Oli explains, causes what used to be the clitoris to grow into a small penis — and he remembers feeling relieved when Laura’s reaction was “oh, it’s just a tiny dick!
I know what to do with this. After the initial awkwardness, their sex life went into overdrive — possibly helped by the early stages of Oli’s testosterone treatment giving him the sex drive of ‘a typical teenage boy’. Two and a half years on though, they say sex is now far less regular: ‘My discomfort and distress at having the wrong genitals [known as gender dysphoria] has become worse and worse,’ Oli explains.
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“Trying to find someone ‘willing’ to date a trans man is challenging, especially if you’re pre-T (testosterone, a male hormone taken by trans men.
Dating is the worst. Part of me is tempted to say this is universal—that everyone kind of hates it. But maybe not. In any case, dating has sucked for me. Looking back, it seems dating was much easier when I was a cis-gendered female, rather than it is now that I am an out trans guy. In my case and perhaps for many trans folks , going online for potential romance felt like a safe first step in cultivating my new, authentic self—in being able to reach out to others as the man that I was and am.
Most sites allow you to choose between only two genders, male and female. Furthermore, there tends not to be much flexibility when it comes to stating your sexual orientation. Since I identify as a trans male, and my sexual preference is for females, I have been left with only one option in the online dating world: heterosexual.
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When the person you are attracted to is not who you expected to be into, this can bring up a lot of emotions. A reader wrote in and asked,. Being in situations that challenge your identity and sense of self can be pretty confusing.
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